Human beings are really complicated, with 1001 emotions, some are obvious like anger, fear, jealousy. But most of the time, I can’t really slot my emotions into any of the known categories. Or sometimes, even if you can find a word to describe your feelings, you can’t find the reason for feeling that way. And it’s is ridiculous to feel that way. Just like how I am feeling now…what this person is doing doesn’t hurt me. Yet, it affects me. Making me feel…XXXXX...jealous? no. Scared? No. Irritated? Abit. Tired? Very. But why?

Mom praised someone’s dancing yesterday. I was fuming. Why? Because I don’t agree? No. Because, she didn’t praise me? No. Because, I am afraid she will beat me? NO, and am confident I am doing better. Then why? I know why…but again, beyond words! Sometimes, I wish I can concentrate on just training, lesson, compete…improve without further ‘unnecessary’ disturbances. I am prepared to accept whatever that comes my way and that the only way out is to be really good. That’s all that matters. I do not have to compare myself with others, as I want my dancing to be unique. Not comparable.

Had lunch with twin today. We discussed about marriage. To me, it is now very clear: Someone who is your friend and mate; someone who does everything with you, exercise together, watch tv together, share your happiness and sorrows. Love = sharing of emotions. It is intangible. If love can be measured using any tangibles, it’s not love. It’s greed.

And well….
Happy 40th month, darling.