A day all to myself, and my family. No activity, just going to the temple and lazing around at Grandma's house. Felt relaxed for the first time in months, although I am down with a bad cough and itchy throat, and a cramped stomach. I feel truely myself again today, under the care of mom and dad, and grandma. At least I don't have to put on a brave front and act like a real tough woman. Don't have to make decisions, don't have to watch my words. I feel safe for the first time.
:( Have been feeling tortured. I know it's unbelievable, but I only started to feel the pressure of working, and the need to perform after 2 1/2 years of working. Here, everything you do, or say, is under close scrutiny, and you're being assessed in every single thing you do. Sigh. And I wonder if it's a good thing, but I'm given the level "exposure" far more than what a normal analyst is given. And THAT meeting wasn't a good experience, or shld I say the experience felt more like a humiliating session. Someone's questioning my integrity by making a conference call to a RM, and it instantly became a "her word against mine" kinda conversation. The call was obviously redundant. WHO on this sane world will go against her boss and admit her mistake when confronted? And as I had expected, her answer went "I can't recall what happened....I'm rushing for a conference call now....". The meeting lasted for 1 1/2 hours but it felt like years. All I could do was nod my head and maintain a SWEeeeeeeeeet smile. What can you do when the meeting started with an opening disclaimer like this - "This meeting is meant to be objective, and there should not be any finger pointing", and a closing remark that went "I hope there is no bad feelings..." I can't think of any better terms to describe these people other than "hooligans in office clothes". I broke down badly at the lift lobby. It felt like being slapped in the face and then being told "u r not supposed to feel pain because I've told u right at the start it's gona hurt!". WTF.
I have learnt a precious lesson. I also learnt that no one can protect you other than yourself. I realise I am smarter than I thought eh... :P
On a lighter note, tml is Yee's big day and all of us gona be sisters. I hope everything goes smoothly as planned. Wish you happiness.....Yee.
:( Have been feeling tortured. I know it's unbelievable, but I only started to feel the pressure of working, and the need to perform after 2 1/2 years of working. Here, everything you do, or say, is under close scrutiny, and you're being assessed in every single thing you do. Sigh. And I wonder if it's a good thing, but I'm given the level "exposure" far more than what a normal analyst is given. And THAT meeting wasn't a good experience, or shld I say the experience felt more like a humiliating session. Someone's questioning my integrity by making a conference call to a RM, and it instantly became a "her word against mine" kinda conversation. The call was obviously redundant. WHO on this sane world will go against her boss and admit her mistake when confronted? And as I had expected, her answer went "I can't recall what happened....I'm rushing for a conference call now....". The meeting lasted for 1 1/2 hours but it felt like years. All I could do was nod my head and maintain a SWEeeeeeeeeet smile. What can you do when the meeting started with an opening disclaimer like this - "This meeting is meant to be objective, and there should not be any finger pointing", and a closing remark that went "I hope there is no bad feelings..." I can't think of any better terms to describe these people other than "hooligans in office clothes". I broke down badly at the lift lobby. It felt like being slapped in the face and then being told "u r not supposed to feel pain because I've told u right at the start it's gona hurt!". WTF.
I have learnt a precious lesson. I also learnt that no one can protect you other than yourself. I realise I am smarter than I thought eh... :P
On a lighter note, tml is Yee's big day and all of us gona be sisters. I hope everything goes smoothly as planned. Wish you happiness.....Yee.
posted by Dance. My Love. | 7:42 PM
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