I really really HATE MYSELF! Ting is a lazy pig, is an un-motivated lousy girl. She also has a small heart, who doesn't think twice before doing things. *slap* I HATE TING TING! This is full of shit....all generated by myself. Ting Ting is a shit-generator :(

Please don irritate me.

Dad is unreasonable.

I am disgusted.

I am irritated, by ALLLLL OF U!

t0omorrow...gona reach office at 810am, carry that lappy to that small crampy room, to start my audit with a bunch of pple. I wanna be efficient, work hard, and be a good girl. I just wanna be focused.....free of emotions. I am sure I can, rite? :)

Just a little unhappiness for this period. It'll be over. Be here for me.

J: I am so fortunate to have u as my gf
T: Dear why suddenly say so?
J: Because I am happy to be with you always. You give me hope and happiness.

I feel better, finally.

I know I'll be fine. Only you can help. Thanks for being patient, I need you.

Today's emails, and this sms.

Yesterday was supposingly a good day........with nana's accompany. We went to expo, just FOR COFFEE BEAN. Shall leave the details out, just somehow .... we got there, paid for a cab fee of abt more than $15? and walked what seemed like a few hours to locate the very isolated coffee bean. Craved for the Spicy Tuna Spaghetti. Went to the counter and ordered....and THEY DON SERVE FOOD. *xxxx*

so....it was pouring, and had nowhere to go. ate cheese cake and mud pie, and drank THE ULTIMATE. luckily both had a sudden neeeeed to do mani! wahaha, so off we CAB to vivo for our nails painted again! now...is BRIGHT PINKISH RED. oh, we saw Ade and Ping there. :) nice.

Somethings kept flashing in my mind no matter how hard I tried to push away.

*be my wife?*......

been this into someone before?

I feel upset.

I noe u have been great. I wish I have not been so curious, if I knew I will feel like this. For that moment, I felt I was completely out of ur life, and someone (a few people) have replaced me, and I am watching you from afar. :( My heart stopped beating, trust me. I felt bad.

The worst feeling.....that I have this impression that I entered ur life accidentally....that it was too easy. That I do feel that if I were to become part of ur memory too, I probably stand low. Where has all my confidence gone to?

I am at my ugliest when I lose my confidence. I feel "small"......and unimportant. Nobody caused this to happen to my heart. History did. Does history matter? Can I erase history.....or maybe, I shld try harder, to replace those beautiful memories........with even more colorful and better ones?

Do u think I can?

Another 30min and it'll be "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CONNIE BABE!!" Long long time since I really chat with her. She is always studying these days.......and for the past few months I have been easily "missing in action". Sooo quite miss her sometimes, BUT i don't miss her suan-ing hor. BABE: happy happy 24th birthday, DON suan me ok, I AM NOT A JEALOUS BABE anymore. :P May u find ur true happiness soon, and free from all the never-ending work issues. AND GOOD LUCK for ur exams! Try hard for ur last lap........... <3>

Today is the first day after dono how many donkey years that I sit down and talk to client. erm. I was tongue-tight! I think I was worse than those G1s in KP now...haha. I felt so embarrassed for some reason. The client was talking soooo fast I can't "look zai3" anymore, cos i was kinda flustered when I can't catch wad she says. And my brain was not thinking fast enough to ask the right questions there and then. :( I can't even find the right words to phrase my questions. "audit is just like playing the piano.....it comes with PRACTICE!" bah. *shit many* I need to buck...i NEED. felt lousy and idiotic. REALITY IS BACK!!

Lunch-ed with Ling. I think ling, u really must think for urself. People can give u many advice....but ultimately, u can only do things u yourself believe in. Just like I gave u the analogy about giving a speech. U can never present a speech convincingly if that script is written by someone else. I'm sure u know yourself best and u noe wad is impt to u........don be caught up with all the "urgent and important" things. If u spend 24 hrs a day settling these things...u are just like fighting fire. Where and how are u gg to find time and energy to think of your plan? or even find out "WHO" u actually r?

Received email from HJ. Another issue abt life.......everyone, including me, is experiencing our quarter life crisis in one way or another. Mian Mian is another one............ :( sigh. WHY? Some are facing problems with relationship....some career...some family, some friends. For me...no one actually understand, that mine is with regards to friends. No one knows rite? I also don wanna elaborate. To all my friends out there....I do the best I can towards u, everyone of u. I'm glad that u have high expectations of me, becos u care. :) I'm sorry if I do not meet up to your expectations sometimes.....but trust me, I already tried. sometimes, I wonder....given my nature, I easily have very very close friends. But....with this closeness come expectations, which I may not be able to maintain "my standard" when more things come into my life. I still care, but maybe it's a fact...that I may have less energy or time sometimes. I'm glad my friends still care abt me! thanks....... :)

I'm going to dear's self-proclaim messy house this coming Friday. Yap...I'm excited!! (to clean up your house???) Thanks dear, for the love. I feel it. I miss u still...as much as the first day we got together. 加油哦！I believe we'll survive all kinds of obstacles, cos I believe in us. hugs.

Time to slp. night night!

Part 2: THE PEOPLE PEOPLE....

Buffet arrived at about 11.....woh woh, yummie! Den came the people one after another....I was simply busy walking around doing nothing. hehe....taking photos of the joyous occassion. The thing I did the most today was.....show pple to the audio tower and to his display car, but....dono ANYTHING abt the soundsystem. :P They don expect me to know, anyways, soo... :) Mommy arrived early!! And was so happy to see our nice potted balloon-ny flowers, keke. YUP, it remained the tallest amongst the rest. MOM WAS PROUD LAH. *errm*

At 1 pm sharp, the wu3 shi1 ceremony commenced. Dear and Adam was asked to stand at the entrance of the shop while the two orange lions danced arnd. (looked quite funny cos there was limited space!!) Otherwise, it was quite good....very auspicious. And they made a WANG4 with the mandarin oranges......nice. Oh, auntie maggie and family missed the lion dance. AND yes...GRANDMA was very very annoyed. She loves lion dance, and heard from mom that auntie maggie was too engrossed doing medicure for her friend and left home late. tsk tsk. grandma was really angry. :(

Den finally...I saw dear's friend, Wesley.....Jiana's friend too. This idiot insisted on taking my photo to send to Jiana. In the end, I asked jQ to take together with me. I wonder what Wesley was trying to prove to nana. ????? that he INDEED NOES ME? hurrrr?? FAIL. Den his mom and dad came, and MY MOM WAS SOOO TALKATIVE! and, so was my grandma. Faintz. The four of them ended up talking abt everything under the sun, like....how come ppl in the 60s can give birth to nine children and all.... urgh. And....my mom telling HIS mom that i NEVER go home after work....thanks leh, mom. And telling her tat I DON DO HOUSEWORK. thanks again.

I enjoyed my day. Sent mom and grandma to my house (cos grandma wanna see my new sofa...NOT my poor brother with crutches, haha). And I'm back in the shop again...

~Lovely day~ :)

*dear's car. Just changed the entire soundsystem, to carry his shop name*

* The shop's interior. Show case of products*

*proudly sponsored by DADDY*

*uuuurgh. U SEE ME?*

CONGRATULATIONS!

PART 1: Sharing the happy occassion.....19th November 2006. jQ's first ever shop opening, people are not here yet, but we were busy busy busy, receiving flowers, flowers flowers, all shapes and sizes. This one here with the colorful balloons are proudly sponsored by daddy. Oooh, it's the BIGGEST ONE here, for the moment lah. hehe. U can't see the actual size, but, it's tall! I LIKE IT...mommy has good taste, LIKE ME. :P It's currently 1130 am, and there will be buffet, people, more flowers, and of course wu3 shi1 swarming in! gona be the camera girl (who normally takes lousy photos) later. :)

*more photos to come.*

I feel ALL SO POETIC now....the words on the extreme left column are proudly written by ME ME ME. to all my loved ones out there...I LIVE, TO LOVE, TO CHERISH, TO HOPE, * TO LISTEN. This is my life mission statement....... lurve to all. I just feel so loved, and feeling the love oooozing out from my heart. *kill me* this is so disgusting. bahz. I hope this skin is better...cos the previous one is quite difficult to read, and troublesome to navigate. Leave a lil note, frenz! So I know I'm remembered! :)

Say "oooooooooh". COs, I fell when I was walking down the overhead bridge yesterdae. I was lucky, cos NO ONE SAW, except for someone v v v far AWAY. and the way I fell could have caused me my life. I knelt and slide down the stairs...and given the small surface area of the step, and the weight of my upper body, i could have toppled and rolled down the entire flight. Thank goodness, I stopped out of a sudden. *phew* I wonder why i fell, and wonder how i stopped....aiyo, i was frightened out of my wits. Stoopid heals.

Brother looks so pitiful, and I AM EQUALLY PITIFUL. cos i have become his maid. When he feels warm, i gota switch on the fan. When his sweet wrapper flies away, I've gota pick it up. When he is hungry, I've gota buy food... wah wah.

Dear stayed over. I miss him even when he is around. :) Lucks to u, and hope tml's official shop opening will be fun! Enjoy the preparation, and LOVE TO U!

Connie's bdae celebration on Tuesdae. Invitees: 8pm at either 1) regent hotel 2) carlton 3) raffles the plaze. Have sent sms to u all. REMEMBER to REPLY! cos we've got to make reservation!! :) oh, good luck to babe for her exams!! and...poor baobei ling is sick. get well soon. How's ur haircut?

*byeeee* waiting for dance, and good home-cooked food! yumm!

got my boy his birthday gift. I'm feeling sooo delighted with it.

~I MISS YOU!~

*my beloved sister! nana*

*my new-found love*

2nd day into the course. Today I wrote my life mission statement.....if life were a portrait, how do I want to paint mine? What do I want others to see in my life portrait? "you only have one precious life....paint a bold one." :) I wrote continuously for 5 minutes what I want my life to be like - my mission statement. Issit the constant practice I get from writing on blogs, or issit cos I have been too free these months that i could write my mission statements so freely? issit that these self-reflection has been on my mind everyday? Guess it's both. This old lady in my class was very interesting...in an irritating way. She apparently came to this class with a closed mind. She sees all the things taught as being unrealistic and not applicable. She missed the point completely.......... hmmm. A waste of company resources on these ppl. anyways, I'm glad I learnt something. She made this statement "an 18 year old shld have dreams, but a 28 year old who still have dreams is an idiot"....and I said (openly in class) "an 18 year old shld have dreams, but a 28 year old should have goals."

yeah! I bought the book finally....heard abt this book a long time ago....seen this book, but never wanted to buy it. Today i made up my mind to own it. :) happiness x infinity.

met my dear nana again!! I wish everydae can be sooo beautiful. Let off at 515pm, met nana and had good dinner, good talk, get emotional, gave opinions abt everything, brainstormed, relaxed....shopped, and nana bought her Tif ring!! nice. I have set my mind on getting one special ring... $3,800. I will...it's a matter of time! my motivation.... yes. Cabbed home free (thanks to my dear sister), and feeling happy, satisfied.

AND DEN........poor brother. He is walking on crutches. It looked very painful, it must be. take care! lurve.

Attended a course : 7 Habits of Highly Effective People...

Mom just went to bed, and can you believe it? I was telling her ALL the things I learnt in class today, rattering on and on for more than 1/2 hour and relating life examples....just like a kid coming back from school. These "life-management" courses are always very inspiring for me...and the lessons taught always motivate me to improve in myself....and take charge of my life. Many a time, these principles or theory are not unfamiliar to us, but we have shove them to the back of our mind, to somewhere we can't see. Attending such courses made me go to my "mind resource centre" to retreive these information... :) I like~

In One part of the course, we were shown a video clip, that featured a 80 year old man celebrating his birthday, with the important ppl in his entire life. And each of these ppl paid tribute to him, saying how he has made a difference in their lives...and what they think and remember of him. And I imagined myself on my 80th birthday....or on the day I die.......what do I want ppl to remember of me? I think of the different roles I play in life....someone's daughter....girlfriend, friends, wife, employee....a competitive dancer....and in all these roles I play, what do I wan to achieve? And what then are the few things I can do to achieve them...? I realise, I want to live my life to the fullest. and i realise I have so many choices in life....the result of my life depends on what I do, and what I do depends on how I see things.....

2 more days to go....for this course. ANd i am looking forward to them! Oh, I made new friends! I'm glad I get to know some of the people in my department better.......I become the usual talkative self again, and made new friends!!

*sob* kor kor went for operation on his knees. He's probably out of the operation room now. I hope things are fine............

I miss you darling. Just wanna tell you, thanks for giving me so much love...and attention. I'm glad to be able to share your happiness, and your troubles too. Really happy that you are so open to me, and always tell me the things that happen in your work....keep them coming, my dear. U are not just a bf...u are a great friend and companion too. Hugs.

~HaPPy 7 Month dear~

Though we did not celebrate, I'm glad you came over.

:) I've soo much to tell u.......................muacks. I'll wait for u to reach. Loves to u!

CAR AUDIO SHOP OPENING!

I'm glad to announce finally...that jQ's car audio shop is opening officially on 19th November 13:00 hrs. COngrats dear!

webby is up.....! visit http://www.carsounds.com.sg

hehe, i know most of my dear frenz are not car lovers, or sound system lovers....just visit to see his hard work. *shhhessh* so much time was spent doing this online shop...and renovating his physical shop at Macpherson...that he has no time for me. :( so, do visit! And share this happiness with me........ lurve X a trillion

not forgetting to advertise (for my future happiness) haahahah.....do recommend frends if they are interested! :) xie xie many!

~staY FocUseD~

*it's gona bring u good luck*

If u r reading this, stop frowning for a little while.....and smile. It's difficult at the start, and rough as u move on. There are ups and downs....but keep your cool always, and never be rash. I'm very sure things will get better, and I can see that u r gona be very successful in the years to come. I'm so proud of you to have made this choice, and I am happy to see you put your heart and soul into it. I'm sorry to be unreasonable this afternoon.....and thanks for coming over despite your busy schedule. I didn't know you need to go back to office.....sorry. It pains me actually, to see you so distracted sometimes. But I think this is unavoidable.... :) Just stay healthy and focused, and share with me your problems. I may not be able to help, but I'm sure I'll know what to do on my side to make u feel better...and I'll be better able to understand what u r going through. *hugs* Keep on smiling now.....as u work through your plans, your mind is gona be clearer!! worry kills your brain cells...and I don want. :( Don't sigh ok? cos it brings u bad luck wor...... kk relax enough. Enjoy your work! lotsa love to u.

Met mian mian for lunch at cityhall.......just wanna tell her, he is not who you thought he was. He wasn't committed, which was why he doesnt have u in his future. Reality is cruel...but good tt u know the truth. U were happy once, cos u did not know he wasnt committed. U are unhappy towards the end, cos u start to realise that he love himself more than he loves u! DOn ask why he is like dat, and don give reasons as to why he doesnt know how to love...cos all these don matter. What matters is that the FACT is...at this moment (which matters)...he doesn't know love, and he is not ready. That's enough. let ur brain and heart rest awhile......................u'll be fine.

Love to all.

Been rather bored these days..........working routinely everyday, dance as usual, and being a good girl. No more excitement in life......no late coffees, ktvs, movies.....no energy to join friends or... rather don enjoy big crowds. Am I being anti-social, or am I just experiencing quarter-life crisis? Kaimin showed me an article abt life crisis, and I realise I am gg thru it now.......especially the frends part. I start to doubt how trust worthy or how "nice" close frends are now......how some frenz whom I used to hang arnd with become cold. :) That's life, and I have chosen not to dwell into these.......it's scary how I can start to use my fingers to count WHO are the ones whom i still treasure. 1...2...3...4....5... done.

Wells wellsss.....had my nails painted again! ooo, i like them. This has become my fortnightly affair. I'm so high thinking abt that Fossil watch!! I'm gona get it in ... 3 weeks! cos I'm gona get a discount only in DEC...

Looking forward to 19th Nov! yeeepie. :)

Waiting for u to come over.........oooolalala

I am seriously upset with my skin problem. It's a disease......which can't be cured.....i do not want flaky skin that itch and spread....i don wan urina infection.......urgh. I am down with illness....There're plenty of worries abt my body condition these days. Legs are breaking, skin is tearing..........pimples are coming back........nails are dropping off from my toes, and my feet are injured from dance. I just wan a healthy body, can i?

I love to play "torturing" :)

No Nightmares please.....love to sleep soundly after tt

Went to visit my new colleague, WaiLing's baby Gabriel today...oh he's sooo lovely. Makes me want a little one too. :P Opps. His features are so well-formed....defined and sweet. Haha, the colleagues were amazed by how professional I was in handling infants. I've got good training since I was 12. ")

Hair roots rebonded. no more hair washing/drying/frustrating in the morinings! How I hate it when I've got to waste so much strength pulling at my disgusting curly hair every morning when my eyes were barely open.

hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......i have another long wish list again.....

1) rebonded roots (done!)

2) my working leather bag (I shall get it on thurs!)

3) presents presents for u (i cant wait to give u!!)

4) skII airbrush foundation????? hmm.....

5) WATCH please

6) DIAMOND maybe?

7) CLOTHESSSSSSSSSSSSS......

8) DOG! (pure wish.....)

9) More ....... love, friends, sleep, $$$$, duh.

Never mind abt some of my weird items above. I am so NEEDY.............................They MOTIVATE MY LIFE though. haha...so keep wanting! laalaaaa

These 2 days haven been very well for me.....for a few times I was literally dozing off at work, and for twice in a row, I fell asleep in the cubicle, for 15 min!! Today I was sick....but didn't wanna take MC. I don wanna end up like that AVP in my team, who gets scolding literally everyday. HAhahaa.....I am not being mean, but I think she isn't very smart in a way...the VP doesnt seem to scold any other pple except for her! Only into my second week with the team, I've seen her take 3 days of MC, one day of leave...and half day of urgent leave. See WHY i don't dare to take MC? I don wanna end up like her.... :P

I've officially said goodbye to my $195. Just got my International Dance shoes from Shawn n Gladys juz now. *wink* Oh, it's a long long time since I wore sucha stable pair of shoes.....that supadance is koyak lah~ :(

Dancing tml!! Yeepie.

Orh I am soooooooo nervous. Gona introduce myself to the whole audit tomorrow officially during TownHall. 70 over pple!! What shld i say??????? I can be shy........good luck to tingting! Time to sleep....I don wanna doze off again!!

*photos are up!*