A day all to myself, and my family. No activity, just going to the temple and lazing around at Grandma's house. Felt relaxed for the first time in months, although I am down with a bad cough and itchy throat, and a cramped stomach. I feel truely myself again today, under the care of mom and dad, and grandma. At least I don't have to put on a brave front and act like a real tough woman. Don't have to make decisions, don't have to watch my words. I feel safe for the first time.

:( Have been feeling tortured. I know it's unbelievable, but I only started to feel the pressure of working, and the need to perform after 2 1/2 years of working. Here, everything you do, or say, is under close scrutiny, and you're being assessed in every single thing you do. Sigh. And I wonder if it's a good thing, but I'm given the level "exposure" far more than what a normal analyst is given. And THAT meeting wasn't a good experience, or shld I say the experience felt more like a humiliating session. Someone's questioning my integrity by making a conference call to a RM, and it instantly became a "her word against mine" kinda conversation. The call was obviously redundant. WHO on this sane world will go against her boss and admit her mistake when confronted? And as I had expected, her answer went "I can't recall what happened....I'm rushing for a conference call now....". The meeting lasted for 1 1/2 hours but it felt like years. All I could do was nod my head and maintain a SWEeeeeeeeeet smile. What can you do when the meeting started with an opening disclaimer like this - "This meeting is meant to be objective, and there should not be any finger pointing", and a closing remark that went "I hope there is no bad feelings..." I can't think of any better terms to describe these people other than "hooligans in office clothes". I broke down badly at the lift lobby. It felt like being slapped in the face and then being told "u r not supposed to feel pain because I've told u right at the start it's gona hurt!". WTF.

I have learnt a precious lesson. I also learnt that no one can protect you other than yourself. I realise I am smarter than I thought eh... :P

On a lighter note, tml is Yee's big day and all of us gona be sisters. I hope everything goes smoothly as planned. Wish you happiness.....Yee.

Ok, I'm sick. I mean, physically sick. Started having fever after the department bowling competition yesterday, about 10+. The fever and joint aches struck out of a sudden, and the feeling got worse and worse on the way to West Coast Mac with jQ. Physical discomfort was accompanied by, unfortunately, mental stress. I believe the problem with me is that I tend to inflict pain onto myself (pervert?). Why can't I be more merciful to myself?

Work - Well, this area has been rather challenging for me these weeks. But, I learnt alot. And it's no longer boring. I found someone I could talk to in my team. That's Siew Lim, a malaysian girl. She's my team lead, and I find working with her very enjoyable. It's the support she gave me, (of cos the other way round too), and the times we "fight" the auditees. and the complain sessions we had together. I'm glad to know her! :)

Dance - It's time I pick this area up again. To my partners: Let's work harder, and practise more ok?

Ai ya, I don't feel like typing. I have a lot to say, but my thoughts don't seem easy to be translated to words.

I've got a SHORT haircut! hehe. My head has never felt this light in the past 5 years. :) I guess I must have been too bored with my long rebonded hair. Ya, long hair tend to make one look sleepy. I think I look fresher....but, mmmmm............not as feminine.

I like the change though, thanks alvin. My hair stylist. :)

11th May 2007 - HAppY biRthday MOMMY!!

Mom's not in SG to celebrate birthday with us, but I'm sure she had a good time in Aussie with Aunt Maggie and Annie's family. Mom called back arnd 12+ am aussie time and told us that it's her birthday. Haaaa........and that was arnd 10+ pm over here. Birthday girl has got lotsa luck ya? She won abt A$200 from playing the jackpot. whoah whoah, mom and me both have quite good luck when it comes to the jackpot. :)

rebond / not to rebond? The question has been bothering me FOR A FEW WEEKS. I feel ok when I tie up my hair, and I look younger with my hair in a pony tail. But, it's messy la, and I can only have ONE KIND of look. No style la, I got to say. But, natural.....so which look? Please tell me........I'm sucha bimbo. I can't believe I can be brooding over such an issue. hoooohooo...but u know, I realise that pple who are comfortably in a relationship will tend to start looking auntie, and ungroom...eventually. The auntie look is slowly attacking me, tell me I'm wrong. :( Everytime I asked him if my hair is messy, he will say it's fine. Even when I trimed my brows, or had my nails manicured, it doesn't make to difference to him. Like...these things are immaterial to him. It's good in a way...but, I'll start to feel TOO comfortable with myself. No...NOOOOOooooooooooooooo. ok, rebond = yes.

Fond Memories

Just back from work, and I had some quiet time to myself on the half-hour bus ride home. In that half hour, came to my mind many flash backs...of the days in KPMG. I realise how much I've grown, more matured in the working sense. I realise also, how much things have changed, the littles girls we used to be, now many are thinking of settling down. I ran thru the pics in my pc, and so funny were the photos we took everyday in the office...acting cute and I still remember us running arnd in the office. Oh, a bunch of sch girls. I can say, we grew up (or OLD??) together.

There are some special pple, though we do not talk to each other anymore, due to one misunderstanding or another, who still make me feel nostalgic everytime I think of the days I spent with them. Indeed, these pple ...despite making me cry, or go thru sleepless nights, and moody weekends, made my life very very colorful. There was so much support from so many genuine friends. Maybe I shld say, so many things happened in such a short time. I feel like turning back time. but, i can't. If there is one thing I can do, I'll nvr wanna lose certain frends, and certain things won't just be memories. I'm feeling ... just emotional.

:(

Mom's been away having fun in Melbourne for the 2nd day. Quite alright, but I've got clothes piled up already. :( The worse thing is, I feel that Daddy looks very lonely whenever mom's not arnd, and I hope Mom comes back real soon.

Work has been rather slack for me. I tea-break like twice a day? No more no more...I simply need to work faster these 2 days. If not, that's the end of me, cos it'll be the first time I gona miss a deadline. :P

ah....I dono how I'm feeling, but I can be real paranoid too. Been imagining things, and making a fuss out of everything. I hope the feeling goes away. PLease. Going for a chalet at sentosa this Sunday with jQ boy and his relatives, hope I won't be STARED at. haha. ok...I'm feeling lazy. I just hope, EVERYONE's HAPPY! I wish all happiness. Duh. My mind is blank now. nites.

LABOUR DAY

I had the most memorable(disastrous) labour day.

Well, pre-holiday was fun, mahjong-ed with sisters at my place on Monday night and i won $2. jQ picked me to his place at abt 2am...and I slept. THEN IT WAS TUESDAY.

10am - jQ went to his shop, leaving me alone at his hse, sound asleep

1 pm - Ting Ting took her towel, contact lens, and clothes, and went for her happiness shower.

Washed hair, conditioned...and shokubutsu, here I come!! There it was, the innocent looking shokubutsu contained in a palmolive dispenser was sitting harmless on the shelf. As i pressed onto the pump, with hardened shokubutsu at the hole opening, ONE BIG STREAM of HIGHLY CONCENTRATED WHITE FRAGRANT SHOKUBUTSU shot straight into my poor left eye.

****** soon after, I was lying on the bed at the Raffles Hospital's a&e department, with a beautiful looking nurse washing my eye with TWO litres of distilled water for 1 hour plus*******

DAMNed. AWwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Anyways, the second half of the day was still good, despite not being able to make out things more than 1 metre away. jQ and me went to Pet Mover's and Ericssion Pet Farm, whoah......so cute....the puppies are sooo cute soo cute. I think I may not get a maltese, but a Cavalier King Charles instead. I like the color, and the face. Yup, I have confirmed, that I will get my lovely puppy in December. We're waiting patiently for the arrival of our new family member.

Towards the evening, my eyes were tearing badly. sooo....i spent the end of labour day back at Raffles Hospital. Please show me some concern friends, AND NOT LAUGH AT ME!!! These are the ppl who literally laughed either right in my face, or...over the phone...or email.

Culprit list

1. ANG CHEW PENG

2. CONNIE CHAM P.Y

3. CHEN YANLING

4. NADIAH CHANG

5. my VP TAN SOCK NOI