I am feeling so messed up. Just so messed up.

*i hate one word replies. It doesn't feel sincere.*

Just had the 7th mnth feast at my void deck. It's an annual event...been attending almost every yr since young. But now the feeling's really different. It's almost just like any other dinners. It's how I view things now...I guess. But I so wanna find back that nostalgic feel :(

Will time slow down alil for me? I've got an extremely busy schedule in the next weeks. Going KL for a comp next week. Flying Jetstar again. Leaving on Sat and back on Monday, so can't pick brother up from the airport on Sunday. He's back for a mth. He must be looking fwd to it! Then it's JB comp the following weekend. Then it's J&J comp...so many comps in Sept. Den...it's KL again, for colleague's wedding. THEN...it's Taiwan audit for 2 weeks. I'm really not looking fwd to that. Serious. But, I shld really have a positive mindset, be myself, do my best and focus.

Sleep.

Some pics to share... :)

Celebrated Dad's birthday at Ah Yat @ The Village on Friday. Food was very nice...but this cake I got from Patissier isn't as good as the choco ones. Dad was happy, I'm sure.

Cityview's already at its 32nd floor. Some windows are also up! Didn't manage to take any pics from the front, but the balconys' all up! Tiling is in progress, I saw the piping for the aircon too! hehe. :)

Human beings are really complicated, with 1001 emotions, some are obvious like anger, fear, jealousy. But most of the time, I can’t really slot my emotions into any of the known categories. Or sometimes, even if you can find a word to describe your feelings, you can’t find the reason for feeling that way. And it’s is ridiculous to feel that way. Just like how I am feeling now…what this person is doing doesn’t hurt me. Yet, it affects me. Making me feel…XXXXX...jealous? no. Scared? No. Irritated? Abit. Tired? Very. But why?

Mom praised someone’s dancing yesterday. I was fuming. Why? Because I don’t agree? No. Because, she didn’t praise me? No. Because, I am afraid she will beat me? NO, and am confident I am doing better. Then why? I know why…but again, beyond words! Sometimes, I wish I can concentrate on just training, lesson, compete…improve without further ‘unnecessary’ disturbances. I am prepared to accept whatever that comes my way and that the only way out is to be really good. That’s all that matters. I do not have to compare myself with others, as I want my dancing to be unique. Not comparable.

Had lunch with twin today. We discussed about marriage. To me, it is now very clear: Someone who is your friend and mate; someone who does everything with you, exercise together, watch tv together, share your happiness and sorrows. Love = sharing of emotions. It is intangible. If love can be measured using any tangibles, it’s not love. It’s greed.

And well….
Happy 40th month, darling.

Had a simple, yet somewhat different day. It's wonderful wonderful! Left work at 640 and jQ came to pick me up. He is supposed to bring me swimming! keke. So, I went to get my TYR swim suit @ Habourfront. and off we went to Jurong East Swimming Complex...which is sucha cool place. This place has been there for some time, but somehow I don't go there...in the first place, I don't swim. So, there was the splash, the wave pool and the normal swim pool, and also seats for sun tanning! Yeh! Found a place that I can go sun tanning...play and exercise at the same time. Not so boring like Sentosa. :P We'll go again this Sunday, to get a proper tan and real swimming.

Not too bad today. First attempt and I swam a total of ~5 - 6 laps. Not at one go though..but good for a start. :) Oh, the yellow slide looks harmless, but it is NOT. It scared the shit outa me.

Had dinner at KFC. Felt extremely hungry after swimming, always..and we gobbled up all the food. Very very tasty indeed. haha. Still feeling the high.

Happiness can be derived from the simplest things we do.

Alright...long weekendddssss ovvvver.... :(

I have:

1) Got my bikini

2) Got a tan (which makes no diff...)

3) Got my nails painted pink

4) Practised dance today

5) Visited JB for CRABBBBBBB

I have not:

NONE! hoho... :P Other than the above that I planned to do, of cos I have:

1) Brought lil boys to West Coast Dog Park TWICE!! On sat and today.

2) Bathed Cookie (Fluff nids to wait alil while ok?)

3) Suppered at Balestier Bak Kut Teh

4) Ordered Pizzzzaaa and dinner-ed home with the family

5) Sakae-d for lunch at Sentosa

6) Brought Mom to Alvin for a new perm! Now she has fringe like mine...keke

7) Rested, rested, rested.

I am soooo glad now. Took random pics and here u are. My entry's equally random.

At Sakae - Sentosa

View from Sakae

jQ boy's hungry

Weather's extremely hot...Urghs...uncomfy, ugly.

On the way to Vivo...

Waiting for car to be washed @ JB

@ JB

Daddy and the boys!

That's cookie!

and that's ME and my darlings

Start of a looonngggg weekend! =)

Today wasn't that productive at work, but still, I completed some serious backlogs. Finally. One down. I drove to work today, cos Daddy's not in SG so I've access to the car. Carpark was expensive, but still cheaper than taking cab. Had staff briefing till 11....and then it was bdae lunch for PK...then it was busy busy filling up all the evaluation forms that are long outstanding....then it was preparation for debrief...and....we had debrief at Harry's. Then...it was end of the day with me having a red burning hot face. Gave Meow a ride back home, and I went to Chevron for Alice's baby's 1st mth celebration. jQ's staying overnight, but I miss my doggies tooo much, so I came home. :P

Ok, what am I gona do these 3 days?
1) Get bikini
2) Get a tan
3) Start swimming laps
4) Do dance practice
5) Visit Msia? Maybe...

Raaarrrrrh.......I'm feeling broke.

Had an ok ok day today...had a great mala lunch with BB today at Far East Square today. We ate the hotpot machiam like we're having dinner, soooo slow and leisurely. Chat chat chat while we ate. But it was good. :)

Work was ok, not much progress. I must buck up! Serious need. Wells. Lesson was good though...learnt alot again. I learnt about the right posture for my waltz, which was at some point, very frustrating!! But still, after my PERSIST QUESTIONING...I got it I think. Need practice. SW and I have decided to fly to KL for the comp instead of the tortorous 4 hr bus ride. Shall go confirm our leaves before booking the tics.

Today is officially our last day in the Lavender studio. Though I will miss here, (and the convenient location) I very much look forward to a bigger, newer studio...where all of Annie Dancesport folks can build new memories together again! Some pics we took of our lovely studio, where we call HOME!

Twin fwded this to some of us...and I have read it again and again...meaningful.

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

I had a wonderful time at Timbre on Friday night. Thank you very much for doing all these for me, and I feel v v happy and loved! The group brought me to Timbre for a really late dinner, cos of the queue..but it was worth the wait. :) The band was good, the food was good...and OF COS...the company was excellent. They got the band to sing HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me!!! They made me drink the FLAMING TOWER!!!! THEY .... surprised me with a v v delicious bdae cake too!!!

THANKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS....I'm really blessed with many nice nice people ard. This is really what makes me happy.